When I was a freshman in college, I was invited to go to a fraternity banquet with someone I did not know very well. He was a member of the university’s award winning track team and many of the other members of his club were as well. I knew some of the upperclassmen and their dates and was very excited to be included in this group’s inner circle, even if it was just for one night.
On this evening I decided to give nature a little help so I took a couple of handfuls of cotton balls and stuffed them into the bottom of each side of my bra to give me the extra oomph I so desired. Perfecto! (Keep in mind this was decades before the water-filled Wonder Bra so I thought I had been rather ingenious.) With a big smile I was off to the ball.
Imagine my horror, when half way through the evening I went to the restroom and saw myself in the mirror under the unforgiving florescent lights. Beneath the white gathers, were numerous round lumps creating a subtle polka dot effect next to my skin. The cotton balls had worked their way out of my bra and were headed north. Why not? There was nothing holding them back!!
I can still see my shocked reflection in the mirror and feel my cheeks getting hot. A couple of the upper-class girls were in the restroom and were so sweet, reassuring me that probably no one had even noticed between the dimmed lighting in the banquet, my shawl wrap and the gathers. God bless them!
To be honest, I cannot remember another thing about that evening. My brain has protected me. I daresay, I was so traumatized I probably split personalities at that moment and “Penelope” enjoyed the rest of the night!
originally posted on AOL 9/17/05